Faith, Hope, Love, and Joy

As I continue to wrestle with the inconsistent diagnostic information for Mia and have entered alongside fellow parents who are parenting children with both medical and special needs, it is comforting to know that people have been so supportive by encouragement, positive words, and prayers. Yesterday, one of my dearest friends wanted more details about what happened at last Friday's appointment. As we texted back and forth, I relived and reconsidered the information which was said by Dr H. I went to bed a bit unsettled, knowing that I just need to trust that Mia will receive the best care possible. I will see to it. And knowing that she is teaching me important lessons to help me grow into the person I am meant to be.

This morning, this sweet friend called to tell me she had been praying at 3:00am for me and my girls, and said she realized something that she needed to share. What she said was so beautiful, so simple, and yet so profound. She explained that my decision and dream to become a mother began with Katelyn. It required great faith, and deepened my own faith more than I ever imagined. Katelyn exemplifies faith. I followed my call to be a mother to a tiny baby who lived half way across the world. She enabled me to fall in love with her country, making it a part of myself. She helped my faith to grow, as I experienced the opportunities to go back to that country and serve. While serving, I was brought to my Lianna. Lianna, she explained, represents hope. Lianna opened my eyes to the understanding that I could parent a family, not just a single child. When I struggled with attachment issues and deep seeded insecurities plaguing Katelyn, and grappled with how to best parent her, Lianna brought hope. I learned that it was not my failures as a parent which haunted Katelyn, rather, it was the trauma of her experiences. Lianna represented the hope of overcoming trauma, and the hope of family. She shows the hope of communicating feelings, and the healing which comes from sharing. Lianna embodies hope. Last year, I received joy unimaginable, as I was given the unexpected gift of Hannah Joy. I was reminded again of how I thought my family was completed after Mia, and how I had never imagined it would be possible to overcome the hurdles of the lack of finances and confidence I had about both the adoption and parenting a 4th child. Hannah taught me that trusting God sometimes brings joy that is beyond explanation. Hannah is joy palpable. Finally, my friend explained, there is love. Not the easy, looks so pretty love, but REAL love. The love that takes self sacrifice. The love that stretches and brings people out of a comfort zone. The love where patience is required, sometimes on a daily or minute by minute basis. It's the in the trenches, hard work, type of love. Where the payoff brings rewards which are indescribable and transformational. That, she explained, is my Mia. Mia represents a love which is greater than I ever imagined. A love which has required me to move outside my skills as a parent, and lean on others. A love which has required more energy and fight than I ever thought I had. A love that is life changing because it trusts, protects, hopes, and perseveres. It is a love that doesn't fail. My Mia, and parenting her, is giving me this love. She is showing and teaching me this love. Mia epitomizes love.

Hearing this today might have made me gasp. It certainly made me cry. My friend is so wise, and offered an amazing insight into what has been happening through my little family. I am incredibly grateful for the gifts of faith, hope, love, and joy that my girls have been giving to me. I am also humbled by the friends placed into my life. Friends who encourage and support, friends to ride the trauma train with, friends to walk the special needs path beside, and friends who choose to look past imperfections and point out the faith, hope, joy, and love they see. It is just what I needed to hear.