Father's Day

I knew something was wrong about half way through this morning's service when my littlest one started saying she was "cold". The last time she used these words, she was running a fever. Sure enough, by the end of the service she was crying in the parking lot to go. With a 102.5 fever. It was the topper to a day which is already hard for us.

Father's Day is hard for my girls, which makes it hard for me too. It is the one time where they feel singled out for not having a dad present in their life. They all know they have birth fathers, and those who had foster fathers know of them too. And, we are fortunate to have a few exceptional male role models, whose presence is deeply appreciated and recognized. But this day isn't "positive male influence day". It's Father's Day. When my oldest was in 1st grade, each child had to do a project. The teacher called my daughter to the front of the classroom. She was asked "what do you love most about your dad"? The question was innocent enough. My brave daughter's eyes filled with tears. "I don't have a dad" she replied. The teacher then remembered I am a single parent. She tried to ensure that the beautiful craft she had prepared with the words Dad on it, could be made appropriate for a grandfather. But, it didn't matter. It was out there, in front of my then 1st grader and her classmates to see. The teacher quickly emailed a heartfelt apology, and I chose to forgive her. I later explained to my daughter that sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes, those people are even teachers or other trusted people that we feel should know better. Every year as Father's Day approaches, my girls are torn between their desire to honor the wonderful men in our lives, and the loss they experience for my singleness. It is days like today that I wish my life was more traditional and I wish I had a husband. Someone to cherish these precious girls with.

Today's sermon by our beloved pastor was about God as Father. How He cares about us both spiritually and physically. How we are His adopted children, and He loves us as much as He loves His biological child. As I sat there listening, and looking around at the proud fathers sitting around me, I was reminded about how God weaves families together, including my beautiful family. I was reminded of our mandate to care for orphans and widows. Not everyone is called to adopt, but, we are all called to love and provide care. I remembered my call. That call to bring 4 little girls into my life, and trust in His provision. Single parenting is not easy. Single parenting 4 children, all with their own individual needs, stretches me to my max. I worry that tomorrow I will need to be out of work with my sick child, with only 4 hours of sick time left until our new fiscal year July 1st. I worry that due to fever, one or both of my two chronically transfused children will be unable to be transfused this week, which creates havoc in trying to get it rescheduled and more missed time off from work. I worry that I will be unable to meet with my new staff person who starts tomorrow, or the two other new staff who have started in the past few weeks and continue to need my supervision and support. In my limitations, I cannot do it all and I let people down despite my best efforts. Life happens, and it is messy despite how I wish it would look sometimes. If there is one important lesson I am learning through my 4th adoption it is that it is impossible to do all of this alone. Impossible. Which again reminds me of the message so brilliantly spoken today. He is my Father. He is my girls' Father. We are adopted into His family. He is asking me to rely on Him, and He will take care of me. He will take care of us. I just need to trust. And lean on His mercy as He continues to offer His provision through the many people He has placed in our life.