Heading to a year of Hope!

One year ago today, the shocking, unfathomable, jaw dropping word was uttered. Yes. China said YES. Yes! Yes, I could become the mother to baby Hope. For however long she had to live. To say that day was surreal would be an understatement. Initially I was in disbelief. The odds were so stacked against this happening. How.did.this.happen?!? How was she still alive at 13 months old?!? Only.God. There is no other logical explanation. As the reality began to settle in, my heart leapt with a sweet combination of joy and fear. And franticness, if that is even a word. There was so much I needed to do. I needed to tell my parents. I needed to tell my employer. I needed advice from the palliative care team. I needed to find flights. I needed to get to China. Five days later, I would be on that plane to travel half way around the world to receive a baby so sick that I, along with others, was not sure she would make it out of China alive. All because China said yes on this day one year ago.

So much has happened over the past year that it is staggering. As I look back to photos of Hope's first days as my daughter, it is shocking to me to see just how sick she was at that time. She was so sick. So, so sick. It is no wonder the US consulate issued a same day visa, which almost never happens; and we were asked to leave the plane to come home home three times. Somehow, my eyes were protected from truly seeing the reality. Someone at our beloved pediatrician's office said that I was blinded by love. Protected, in a way, so that I was able to do what needed to be done. I think she is right. He protected my mama's heart in a way that I would be able to face the task at hand. Otherwise, I may have been too scared to proceed.

There have been so many valuable lessons learned over the past year. A year which has been filled with some of the most joy filled moments of my entire life. It has also been filled with some hard moments of struggle. How can moments which take a breath away with such beauty and joy be intermingled with such struggle? Because. Because that is the essence of life and living to the fullest in this beautiful, broken, world. There will be times of sweetness so palpable that the moment is to be savored forever, and there will be times of pain that there is a wish to seek relief of dissipating immediately. Living life in this past year, I have come to believe that joys will always be intermixed with moments of hard. The hard does not dismiss the joy, nor does the joy negate the hard. There is just coexistence. My task, I think, is to continue to just be in it, learn what I need to learn from it, and focus on what I should be focusing on.

I have so many choices, I am learning. Choices to see the mercies, knowing they are always there. Choices to be in the present. Choices to find joy. Choices to laugh. Choices to cherish memories and understand that all seasons will come to an end. Choices to be grateful. Choices to forgive and ask for forgiveness. Choices to listen. Choices to reach out of the comfort zone. Choices to see goodness. Choices to ask for and accept help. Choices to take risks. Choices to always put people over things. Choices to recognize that this life is but a blink, and every moment counts. Choices to say yes to "impossible" ideas for kingdom building. Choices to offer help. Choices to try to make the world a little better than it was found. Choices to live life to the fullest. Choices to see the people in life as the greatest gifts. Choices to choose Hope.

So many times it has been said that my response to China's yes a year ago has saved Hope's life. While I don't discount that God performed a major miracle for Hope, one where I was gifted the role of her mother, the reality is, that response has also saved mine. I have learned and continue to learn so much. My faith has deepened and strengthened beyond measure. I am changed and know He will continue to work in and through me. What a year. I wouldn't trade it for the world.