In October 2005, I took my first mission trip back to Guangxi. It was a moment I had prayed for as I looked out that plane window with tears streaming down my face, holding my new daughter, my first Guangxi girl daughter who made me a mother, in my arms. I knew I wanted to give back to the people who had given me one of my most precious gifts. I wanted to walk among them, show my appreciation, and offer something back. I thought perhaps what I could give were my skills as a pediatric OT. So, on that October day in 2005, I returned to the place where my oldest daughter spent 7 months of her life before becoming mine through adoption. It was a day filled with anticipation. We were going back to Katelyn's orphanage. Katelyn was only 3, and so many people questioned why she should go at that tender age. I just knew she had to go. This work was something *we* would do. Not that I would do. It was HER place, and became mine because she was mine and I loved her. As we arrived at the orphanage to build a small playroom with developmentally stimulating toys, we were struck by the two baby rooms. The orphanage director had us start with the playroom, but then allowed us to go and love on the babies there. It was surreal. I was sitting on the floor where my 1st born daughter had spent her infancy. Little faces all around us. Clamoring for attention. Begging to be held. And then there was one. One who caught the attention of my Katelyn. She was so tiny. So sickly looking. I picked her up and felt only bones. And Katelyn kept coming to kiss her head. This little baby, I was told, needed cardiac surgery. Her little heart was broken, and she could not gain weight because it was working in overdrive. Katelyn continued to kiss her sweet head. This baby was the ONLY baby Kate would kiss. The only one.
We left Guangxi and settled into our routine back home. I really hadn't even thought about another child. Another daughter. But Katelyn began thinking about a sister. She knew. At the tender age of 3. She knew she had a sister. When she began to ask me for a sister, I told her to pray. Imagine my surprise as she replied "He said YES".
Several months later, my friends in Guangxi who had accompanied us to the orphanage that day emailed to say that the little heart baby had her surgery. Her name was Tingting and she was doing better! And the orphanage director was planning to submit her paperwork for adoption. He wondered if I would consider adopting her. A thought that took my breath away as I looked at her smiling face through the photos my friend had sent to me. How would this be possible? How is it possible to become her mother when thousands of families are waiting to adopt? How would she be matched to me? Would that even be a remote possibility? Could her adoption file go to an agency? My agency? Which agency? My mind raced with thoughts of fear, excitement, and faith.
I contacted an agency. An agency which came highly recommended to me. Little would I know that the email exchange I had with that agency would be with a fellow single mom, who had just started working there. I would become her first family (and the adoption of my sweet Hannah Joy would be her last). The words of this amazing woman confirmed what I thought He might be saying, what He might be showing me "if you leap, the net will appear". I knew it was Him speaking to me through her words. Telling me to trust and take that leap of faith. Even when it seemed next to impossible that I could ever be matched with precious Tingting. Even though I feared how I could possible manage being single with two (HA! As he would lead me to double that number). I took the leap. And God did what He does to form families. The sick, little heart baby we met a year prior, would become ours. I still get chills thinking about how miraculous she really is. The tiny orphanage she came from, before being moved the bigger one she was adopted from, feared she would not survive the 6 hour drive to that bigger orphanage. She vomited all of her formula all of the time, and was desperately tiny. They were told to send her to the bigger orphanage for hope of a chance at life. She survived that 6 hour drive. She survived the first year of her life, living with two big holes in her heart. She was weak. She was delayed. And God sustained my fighter girl. He led us to her. He chose her as the one who would tug at the heart of my 3 year old, as she gently kissed her head that day in 2005. He worked in my heart, teaching me about faith, trust, and provision.
My Lianna Tingting is now 9 years old. She has been home for 7 years now. Her heart is doing its job beautfully. She sees the amazing Dr Lang at Boston Children's Hospital for monitoring. He said the surgery done in China for her was as good as if it were done in Boston. My fellow heart mamas will know the significance of that statement! Broken hearts had always scared me. Even in college when someone in my dorm was having cardiac trouble, I reacted in fear. If I were ever told that someday I would parent a "heart baby", I would have said no way. It scared me that much. The thought of the heart, which sustains life, being broken used to send shivers through me. How naive I was. Now I know that it is not the heart, but Him. He sustains. He has plans for good. He has brought me far from fearing the heart. I now shudder at the thought of remaining in that fear and saying "no, a heart baby would be too much". I would have missed out on the being the mother to my incredible Lianna Tingting. My sweet heart girl has taught me that. She has taught me to seize each moment. She has taught me to stand firm, even in fear. She has taught me to love everyone, and seek the good in everyone. She has taught me we all have broken hearts, and that it is through Him we are made whole. How I love my miracle girl. My sweet heart baby.
What a wonderful story!
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