Perspectives

Several weeks ago, the idea was suggested to me that perhaps all that is happening in my life was really not all about me. That all of the struggle over getting the school system to provide services for Mia, all of the medical care which now goes beyond hematologic care, all of the obstacles encountered, and all of the daily life "stuff" is really not about me. Or me and Mia. It was suggested that it is bigger than that, for a greater purpose. Perhaps, even though I could not/cannot see it, my life, these things we are going through, are somehow connected to what God is intending to happen in *someone else's life*...such as one of the educators who is unable to provide help to her, or the nurse practitioner who had blocked access to appropriate medical care for much too long, or the other parents who have come to know me as a mom parenting two kids with thal, or a kid with special needs, or a kid with a possible syndrome. I tried wrapping my mind about that idea, and have to admit that I had a hard time figuring out how it could NOT be about me. Or me and Mia. Or me and my entire family.

Then, that idea came up again. In a completely different context. Where the focus was on a sermon of "Do not lose heart" 2 Corinthians 4:7-16. The pastor suggested that during trials we have a choice of perspective. We can choose to look at trials and suffering as individualistic, or we can choose to look at these things as part of a greater purpose. He suggested, that how we choose to look at something can determine how we feel about something. I admit, I have looked at the struggles with Mia as very difficult. Because they really are. Just dealing with beta thal major was pretty big but at least manageable, but a syndrome on top of that? I'm still feeling blindsided. And weak. But, I am starting to wonder if I look at these obstacles (such as getting her the services she needs) differently, will I feel differently? If I look at this as not about me, will I start to feel differently? Is there something bigger is going on here, through my life? Is this trial an opportunity to display the strength, power, and sovereignty of God? I am beginning to think that maybe it is. Because me, as a single parent, certainly cannot possibly manage all of this alone.

Next Tuesday, my advocate and I will be headed to "central office" to meet with the district wide director of special needs services and the facilitator who ran our last meeting. Our hope is that they will be able to hear what needs to be said, if we are off the actual school turf. It's a long shot. I am asking that they change the elementary school Mia attends due to an unwillingness to give her help. Help she clearly needs based on their own testing. And help she clearly needs due to Mia's numerous medical diagnoses. Last week, Mia's teacher decided she did not need to bring a snack along on a field trip. This was after I sent a note and email asking that she have access to those calories. Her response was Mia can have snack at 9:00am, and eat lunch at 12:45 when they return. On a regular school day, Mia does not go longer than 2 hours without access to calories. Her MD's have asked for accommodations, and it is documented in her school file. But there is no plan in place. No health care plan. No 504. There is also medical documentation of Mia's growth failure. She is the size of a 4 year old, at 7.5 years of age. Unfortunately, there is an unwillingness to accept Mia's needs among the school personnel. I really cannot understand the reason why. It is something I wonder late at night. I have tried processing how this can possibly be happening to Mia with several of my friends. No one can come up with a logical reason.

I am now trying to keep perspective. She is my child for a reason, and I am uniquely equipped to fight for her. I am trying to think that maybe this is not all about us. Maybe this is all about a greater purpose. I admit that I can be hard headed sometimes, and so God has had to repeat themes to me which He wants me to learn and understand. The theme that this latest trial is not about me seems to be repeated now twice. And so I am paying attention.