My village

Birthdays always seem like a natural time to look back and reflect on one's life, and look ahead to where one is going. When I was 18, I went away to college and met my first "real" long term boyfriend. I assumed we would marry, start a family, and live out our lives together happily ever after. When that didn't happen, I remember times where I questioned and wrestled with God. Why wasn't my experience like my friends who were all marrying their college sweethearts? What was my life going to look like? Would I look back someday and have regrets?

As life moved on and I got my graduate degree, the desire to become a mother grew stronger. I seriously considered adoption. The rest is history. A good history. MY history. A history which is filled with no regrets. I honestly can say that I now thank God that `I did not marry my then boyfriend. My life would have been so different. So, so different. I would never know the joy that now encompasses my life through my four daughters. I would not be the person I have become without them. I literally shudder at the thought of not having them in my life.

Being single isn't always an easy way to go through life. They say it takes a village to raise children. I actually think that the phrase should be expanded to say it takes a village to get through life. For all of us, whether single or married. A village of different roles people, important people, play in our lives. People in the roles of best friends, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, church community. I know in my life, I would be lost without the people who stand beside me. The people who are my friends. Not just "friends" in name, but real true friends.

As humans, we are formed to be in relationships with others. Since the day we are born, we are learning how to be in relationships. First with our family, and then with the outside world. We are not meant to go through life alone. In society, there is a huge emphasis on marriage, with marriage being the quintessential relationship. Understandably so, and I do not dismiss it. But, as I think on my life as one where I cherish the friendships I have made as an unmarried person, I believe there is no less value on the people who have become my deepest friends. Nor is there less value to those relationships I hold with my dearest friends. Those friends who know the joys and sorrows of my life. Those who have seen my faults and continue to stand by me. Those who know my deepest fears, and my greatest accomplishments. The people who I know I can count on whether things are great or in crisis. The people I can vent to, pray with, and laugh with. The people who can stop by and see my house in disarray without judgement. The people who can see my children misbehave and offer encouragement, not criticism. The people I can be most vulnerable with, and know that they will understand and help me grow.

Looking back at my life, I can see how God gifted me through the people He placed in my life. How He prepared me to be in the place where I am at now. This unexpected, yet beautiful place that is my life. Over the years, I have had such authentic friends who have helped me grow into who I am and who challenge me to keep on growing. Friends who have reflected the face of God. Friends who have come alongside with me to China, to experience something I love so deeply that it is hard to put into words. Friends who drop everything to bring food or drink when I am sick. Friends who would willingly choose the chaos of a vacation with me and four young girls. Friends who will pick up the phone to listen to me despite their own hectic life responsibilities. Friends who see me as I am, with four amazing little girls, and love me as well as them. Friends whose thoughtfulness and care go beyond what is deserved.

I am blessed, really incredibly blessed beyond measure, by the people in my life. Truly, they are my gifts. And today, as I reflect back on my life and consider where I might be going, I feel content at where I am. I celebrate these special people who are my friends and the roles they play in my life. I am so grateful for the chance to be in relationship with them, and for the privilege of being a friend to them too. And I am looking forward to another year with some amazing people to share life with.