Loving Meimei

Those who have known me for a long time have known that growing up I always wanted a sister. As a child I would ask my mom to have another baby, and she would lovingly answer that maybe I would receive another brother. I continued to pray that someday I would have a sister. In 2002, with the adoption of Katelyn, God answered my prayers. I would become a big sister to a young girl who tenderly took care of many children to prepare them for adoption. I would receive the gift of having a sister in my life. God not only gave me a daughter in 2002, He gave me a sister. He gave me Meimei.










Over the years we shared our lives the best as two sisters could, by writing letters and by spending time through visits to China. We shared of our major life experiences, and of the little details as we navigated everyday life. We relied on good friends to translate, although many experiences we shared were beyond words. We came to know and understand each other's life story. We treasured the gift of getting together, and we both would cry when we needed to say goodbye. I got the privilege of watching her fall in love and marry. She got the privilege of watching me become a mother to each of my daughters, and of hearing of my dating woes.

In 2008, Meimei found out she would become a mother. She shared with me the details of her pregnancy. We celebrated from afar when in May 2009 she gave birth to her child, a beautiful baby boy. His name was Hanhan. She and her husband were so happy. It was incredibly special to meet my new nephew for the first time, and see his parents faces glowing with pride and joy in fall of 2009.




Over the past 4+ years I watched him grow and change. There are not words to explain the precious times we all spent together. My meimei was a natural mother, and her little boy was thriving and becoming such a wise, kind, and gentle soul. Just like his mother.




On May 9th, a few days after his 5th birthday, the unspeakable happened. Little Hanhan was playing with his cousin around a pond. Both children fell in and drowned. Word arrived from my friends and I could not believe it. I had to talk to Meimei. Somehow this news must be wrong. Someone must be mistaken. Meimei told me about what happened. She was numb. We talked for several hours about him, what her plans were for him. We talked about where he still wanted to go, and what he still wanted to do. Meimei never cried once during the conversation. I grew increasingly worried about my younger sister, and prayed for the chance to get back to China to see her.

A few months ago, in September, I received word from a mutual friend of myself and meimei. She would be traveling back to China to see meimei and wondered if I could go. It was then that I looked at airfare, finding prices that were lower than I had seen in months. I knew God was giving me the chance to go back to see my younger sister. Gone were my fears of traveling to China with four young children.I just knew I had to get there. Meimei was the primary purpose of this trip, and I had to get back to see her. I had to grieve with her. The orphanage work and trainings were secondary. This trip never would have happened if it were not for meimei.

Once I arrived in China, I learned that meimei would be sent to the trainings. My heart broke thinking about how she would be able to handle the topics we spoke of; nurturing and caring for children, warmth and affection for children; play for children. I also knew that the topic of managing emotions and finding support would be important for her to hear. Somehow she was meant to be at those trainings. I just prayed that her tender heart would not be further traumatized, but could begin healing.

Teaching days were long, and I often found myself watching her sitting in the third row wondering what she was feeling. I wished that I could stop and talk to her. I needed patience. A few days later we would have our chance.

The day we were finally able to be alone together I could see the sadness in her eyes up close. I touched her arm and she began to cry. She cried softly much of our train ride as we sat side by side. Finally, 6 months after her young son was taken too soon, she could cry.

Watching anyone mourn is not something that is fun to do. It would be easier to pretend that such a pain does not exist. How I wish that this pain did not exist. My little sister has endured more tragedy in her young life than I can ever imagine, and now her life is forever changed by a senseless accident. I have heard from others who have lost a child that it is the most painful experience one can endure. I completely believe it, without any doubt. I cannot even fathom trying to bear this pain alone, as Meimei has done for the past 6 months. She is unable to express grief with family and friends as I was told that culturally this just is not done. She has been unable to share her pain with anyone, she told me, until I came. As difficult as it is to watch my sweet younger sister's pain, I know that God placed us together 12 years ago knowing that this day would come.

During our trip, we were able to spend 11 days with meimei. We spent one day at the beach. Meimei told me that her son had asked her to take him there one day, so I knew we needed to go. As I watched her looking out unto the vast ocean, I wondered what she was thinking. I offered a prayer that somehow she could put to rest the haunting that her son's spirit was somehow lost and scared or reincarnated. I prayed that she could know her son was in a better place, waiting for her to get there someday. I prayed that somehow she could be comforted and that someday she might feel peace.



When we left China, leaving meimei behind was difficult and I wished that it didn't need to happen. She has agreed to apply for a passport, and to try to come stay with us for a while here in the US. It is a long shot as visas leaving China, even for a short visit, are hard to come by. But I have to believe that there is a good chance God will make it possible for her to come. And thanks to modern technology, we are now able to stay in touch through text every day. I can type in english, she can type in characters, and the program will give us each a rough translation of what the other is saying. It brings me some comfort knowing that I can still communicate with her and be present to her as her big sister despite being so far away.

When I became a big sister to meimei 12 years ago, I never imagined that our lives would lead here. To this moment. I don't think I completely understood that loving her would mean her joy would bring me joy and her pain would bring me pain. Yet, that is the way it is with family. That is the way it is with sisters. I am so lucky that God gave me meimei. I am so grateful for all that she has given to us, and how she has enriched our lives. And I am forever humbled by the gift to stand by her and love her.